Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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