Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize