i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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