We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
