I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
