Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
