He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wish you could order shots online.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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