I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Of course I have a pirate flag
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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