So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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