I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize