I think i peed on brittanys purse
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
