You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
