Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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