it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just forgot I was standing up.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
