So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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