my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
