I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
