how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She bit a glass in half.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
