There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
