He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
