i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
