There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
