But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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