i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
