i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
