He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
