I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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