I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
