I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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