Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
