East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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