you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
