We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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