We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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