i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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