omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
