That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize