I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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