I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
