I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
