I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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