Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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