if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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