I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
