My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
