dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
