I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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