Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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