By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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