I hate all girls vehemently.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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