my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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