Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize