was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
