Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
