You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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