There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
