just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
