Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so let's talk penis.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
