In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize