i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
