Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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