Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
