I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
