i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
