alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
