So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
