So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
