When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
