She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
