That's when you crack a 10am beer
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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