youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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