i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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