I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
is it fun? or sober?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize